we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
