There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
