I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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