I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
