I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
