The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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