a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
