I want to have your abortion
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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