I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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