This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
