make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize