You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
