yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
