I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize