If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
