last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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