How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
