Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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