I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
