No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
