I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
