Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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