He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
