Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
