checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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