I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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