based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
