I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
