i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
