Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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