Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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