I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
