i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
