Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
