K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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