did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do vagina's smell?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
