I CAN MOONWALK!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
3 2 1 whiskey
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
