I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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