I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
