Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
