I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pants are for mortals
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
