It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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