I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize