Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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