I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
