the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
