Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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