i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
