Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
