she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mom said you looked used
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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