HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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