ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
