btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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