i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
