I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
