I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
