what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
