shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize