I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we made out on top of his cat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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