You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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