Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
