The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
