I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize