if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
