Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
