i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
