so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
