Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
