The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
