i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
