Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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